What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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