Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Say something about gay babies.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
