It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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