I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
