It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
a search helicopter?!
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
