I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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