The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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