i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
