It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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