i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
