I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
