I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
