just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
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