my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
