In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
please come you make the beer taste better
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Randomize
