I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Randomize
