Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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