I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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