just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
