i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Randomize
