Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
