I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
