and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
