I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Randomize
