I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Randomize
