Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
