ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
