brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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