dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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