the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
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