Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
