so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
