i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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