I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Just invented taco cereal.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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