you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
