he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
