Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
