nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
