That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
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