my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
