So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I want to be your penis for a week.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
