You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
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