Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Sorry my hands just texted you
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
