Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
