Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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