maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
You took a bar mat shot.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
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