And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
