Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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