I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
