i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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