Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
