Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
