i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
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