this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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